Today
Tara on Tour
Oh dear.... it's been nearly 3 months since the last entry. I've been working in the local pharmacy and not found the right time/mental space to sit and write. Apologies to all those following the story of Tara's travels, who may have felt I'd abandoned everything. Not at all: the Taras have been sent out on their various missions....
Tara protecting from Lions has gone to Kerala, India - to join Sarah Mahoney in an ashram out there.
Tara protecting from Snakes was a very unexpected placement. "Snakes" refers to all forms of poisons and toxins, as well as to scorpions, snakes themselves and other animals whose venom can harm or kill. Within the mind, this Tara protects from wrong views and from dullness of mind. Working in a pharmacy, you see quite a few drug addicts who are trying to come off heroin and are on prescription methadone. There was one customer in particular, a young girl, with whom I felt a lot of connection. She seemed very bright and switched on: someone who had a real future if she chose it. She was a known shoplifter and one particular day came in when the pharmacy was busy and moved swiftly round the shelves, picking up items and pocketing them or putting them back. It's quite an artform! The pharmacist confronted her and she pleaded innocent, got upset and flushed and left in a hurry. There was no question looking at the CCTV that she had been shoplifting. Within the pharmacy, we were all divided as to what to do. Should she be banned? Should she be given another chance? It was decided to give her another chance.... to tell her what we knew, what evidence we had, and to make sure that when she came in, she sat within view, took her medication and left. She still denied shoplifting, but agreed - and there appeared to be no further problems. I was very surprised to get the internal message during Tara practice that I should give Tara protecting from Snakes to this girl. Not a particularly easy task actually, since there are always so many people around and anyway, what on earth would she think??? So I prayed that Tara remove any obstacles to my doing this if this was her real wish. It took two days. That particular afternoon, she came in early and the locum pharmacist just happened to be out for about 15 minutes. Everything was quiet - no customers. No other colleagues. No one. It was bizarre and I couldn't ignore the significance of this. So, with heart pounding, I took Tara to this girl and gave her. She looked surprised, bemused and then read the card and smiled warmly and happily. Job done. So I pray that Tara will help her and work with her to overcome her addiction and find a new, positive direction in her life.
Having given this Tara, the time had come for the most wrathful emanation of Tara - Tara protecting from War and from the darkest, most negative forms of mind and behaviour. Wrathful Tara is black in colour and sits with hair flaming, holding a phurba (a ritual dagger that cuts through illusion and negativity) directly in front of her heart. I have to confess I was a bit nervous about this one. Given that she protects from genocide, black magic and the worst kinds of atrocity imaginable, I didn't know where this one would lead me. In fact, it was very straightforward. She has gone to Africa, with Choden and Lama Yeshe, and will be left either in Zimbabwe or in South Africa. As I write this, I remember that I gave my phurba to Lama Yeshe after I'd finished a month's retreat under his guidance. Lama has been the most wrathful teacher in my life; cutting ruthlessly through so many of my dreams and throwing me out of the monastery on more than one occasion for inappropriate behaviour with certain monks. I shouldn't be saying this, but it was true. I was in love on both occasions and firmly committed to the belief that there was nothing wrong with loving someone, or being with someone - and that sometimes relationships were every bit as spiritual as monastic life was. More so, at times. Not a problem. Except these two men were both monks at the time - with life vows - and being with them meant breaking a commitment that is not undertaken lightly in the first place and that is considered infinitely more precious than any relationship with a woman. Looking back, I cannot believe I was so naive, and so headstrong - but the karma involved in these situations was overwhelming and in a way I had no choice. There was right and wrong in my view and behaviour. And there has perhaps been no teaching more direct or more personal than the one I received through these experiences, and in relation to Lama Yeshe. I went through utter hell. Lama put me there. That was how I saw it, but perhaps he just put me right into the heart of the fire that was burning me up in hell anyway. For all the pain and devastation, persecution and some false accusations, there was something deep between myself and Lama Yeshe - and eventually, after many years and many tears, a few arguments and a determined refusal to "leave" or give up, all the negativity passed away and something very different took its place.
So - whilst he is not directly responsible for the placing of this particular Tara, it is very appropriate that he should be travelling with her. Choden is one of his monks, and a close friend of mine - with whom I shared a cottage in Edinburgh during the turbulent months he spent trying to make up his mind whether or not to go back and take robes. Oddly, for all that I had felt that the monks I had loved should leave their robes, I had an equally strong feeling that Sean should become a monk again. Which made me feel less of a monastery-wrecker. Sean (now Choden) is South African and knows the story of that land. He also has a strong connection with Tara and is very much the right person for this job.
Which brings me to the one I am working with now. Tara protecting from untimely death. She is very similar to White Tara, who bestows long life, health, merit and wisdom. Tara protecting from untimely death also protects from any opposition to spiritual practice, and to maintaining a strong spiritual life. A curious thing has happened in relation to this one. White Tara and this particular emanation of Green Tara have merged into one. On hearing that Karmapa warned that there were obstacles to his life, I was inspired to do some White Tara prayers..... during this session, there came a kind of strong intuition/wish/message that I should do a month's White Tara retreat for Karmapa. I approached Ringu Tulku who gave his blessing and had 10 days to give up my job and prepare myself and the house for a month's retreat. It all fell into place and happened easily and quickly.... and that is what I am currently doing. Sitting with White Tara and the emanation of Green Tara protecting from untimely death.
It is a great blessing and joy to do practice like this - and I wish all of you reading this the blessing of this practice too. If you wish to bring it more alive, you can recite the mantra and visualise good health, healing, positive conditions and long life coming to you and to anyone you would like to pray for:
OM TARE TUTTARE TURE MAMA AYU PUNYE JNANA PUSHTIM KURU SO HA
Oh dear.... it's been nearly 3 months since the last entry. I've been working in the local pharmacy and not found the right time/mental space to sit and write. Apologies to all those following the story of Tara's travels, who may have felt I'd abandoned everything. Not at all: the Taras have been sent out on their various missions....
Tara protecting from Lions has gone to Kerala, India - to join Sarah Mahoney in an ashram out there.
Tara protecting from Snakes was a very unexpected placement. "Snakes" refers to all forms of poisons and toxins, as well as to scorpions, snakes themselves and other animals whose venom can harm or kill. Within the mind, this Tara protects from wrong views and from dullness of mind. Working in a pharmacy, you see quite a few drug addicts who are trying to come off heroin and are on prescription methadone. There was one customer in particular, a young girl, with whom I felt a lot of connection. She seemed very bright and switched on: someone who had a real future if she chose it. She was a known shoplifter and one particular day came in when the pharmacy was busy and moved swiftly round the shelves, picking up items and pocketing them or putting them back. It's quite an artform! The pharmacist confronted her and she pleaded innocent, got upset and flushed and left in a hurry. There was no question looking at the CCTV that she had been shoplifting. Within the pharmacy, we were all divided as to what to do. Should she be banned? Should she be given another chance? It was decided to give her another chance.... to tell her what we knew, what evidence we had, and to make sure that when she came in, she sat within view, took her medication and left. She still denied shoplifting, but agreed - and there appeared to be no further problems. I was very surprised to get the internal message during Tara practice that I should give Tara protecting from Snakes to this girl. Not a particularly easy task actually, since there are always so many people around and anyway, what on earth would she think??? So I prayed that Tara remove any obstacles to my doing this if this was her real wish. It took two days. That particular afternoon, she came in early and the locum pharmacist just happened to be out for about 15 minutes. Everything was quiet - no customers. No other colleagues. No one. It was bizarre and I couldn't ignore the significance of this. So, with heart pounding, I took Tara to this girl and gave her. She looked surprised, bemused and then read the card and smiled warmly and happily. Job done. So I pray that Tara will help her and work with her to overcome her addiction and find a new, positive direction in her life.
Having given this Tara, the time had come for the most wrathful emanation of Tara - Tara protecting from War and from the darkest, most negative forms of mind and behaviour. Wrathful Tara is black in colour and sits with hair flaming, holding a phurba (a ritual dagger that cuts through illusion and negativity) directly in front of her heart. I have to confess I was a bit nervous about this one. Given that she protects from genocide, black magic and the worst kinds of atrocity imaginable, I didn't know where this one would lead me. In fact, it was very straightforward. She has gone to Africa, with Choden and Lama Yeshe, and will be left either in Zimbabwe or in South Africa. As I write this, I remember that I gave my phurba to Lama Yeshe after I'd finished a month's retreat under his guidance. Lama has been the most wrathful teacher in my life; cutting ruthlessly through so many of my dreams and throwing me out of the monastery on more than one occasion for inappropriate behaviour with certain monks. I shouldn't be saying this, but it was true. I was in love on both occasions and firmly committed to the belief that there was nothing wrong with loving someone, or being with someone - and that sometimes relationships were every bit as spiritual as monastic life was. More so, at times. Not a problem. Except these two men were both monks at the time - with life vows - and being with them meant breaking a commitment that is not undertaken lightly in the first place and that is considered infinitely more precious than any relationship with a woman. Looking back, I cannot believe I was so naive, and so headstrong - but the karma involved in these situations was overwhelming and in a way I had no choice. There was right and wrong in my view and behaviour. And there has perhaps been no teaching more direct or more personal than the one I received through these experiences, and in relation to Lama Yeshe. I went through utter hell. Lama put me there. That was how I saw it, but perhaps he just put me right into the heart of the fire that was burning me up in hell anyway. For all the pain and devastation, persecution and some false accusations, there was something deep between myself and Lama Yeshe - and eventually, after many years and many tears, a few arguments and a determined refusal to "leave" or give up, all the negativity passed away and something very different took its place.
So - whilst he is not directly responsible for the placing of this particular Tara, it is very appropriate that he should be travelling with her. Choden is one of his monks, and a close friend of mine - with whom I shared a cottage in Edinburgh during the turbulent months he spent trying to make up his mind whether or not to go back and take robes. Oddly, for all that I had felt that the monks I had loved should leave their robes, I had an equally strong feeling that Sean should become a monk again. Which made me feel less of a monastery-wrecker. Sean (now Choden) is South African and knows the story of that land. He also has a strong connection with Tara and is very much the right person for this job.
Which brings me to the one I am working with now. Tara protecting from untimely death. She is very similar to White Tara, who bestows long life, health, merit and wisdom. Tara protecting from untimely death also protects from any opposition to spiritual practice, and to maintaining a strong spiritual life. A curious thing has happened in relation to this one. White Tara and this particular emanation of Green Tara have merged into one. On hearing that Karmapa warned that there were obstacles to his life, I was inspired to do some White Tara prayers..... during this session, there came a kind of strong intuition/wish/message that I should do a month's White Tara retreat for Karmapa. I approached Ringu Tulku who gave his blessing and had 10 days to give up my job and prepare myself and the house for a month's retreat. It all fell into place and happened easily and quickly.... and that is what I am currently doing. Sitting with White Tara and the emanation of Green Tara protecting from untimely death.
It is a great blessing and joy to do practice like this - and I wish all of you reading this the blessing of this practice too. If you wish to bring it more alive, you can recite the mantra and visualise good health, healing, positive conditions and long life coming to you and to anyone you would like to pray for:
OM TARE TUTTARE TURE MAMA AYU PUNYE JNANA PUSHTIM KURU SO HA
posted by Anna Howard | 5:22 AM
1 Comments:
Hi Anna,
So glad to see a new post and to read that the journey is still continuing! Thank you for sharing your retreat blessings with everyone. You're amazing, Blessed be!
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