Empowerments
Tara on Tour
Dulmo Choje Rinpoche has been in London this weekend and I went to Samye Dzong to see him - to receive the Bodhisattva Vow and White Tara empowerment. Green Tara I missed...but sat and did the practice in the garden here during the time of the empowerment in central London.
I have taken the Bodhisattva Vow with Ringu Tulku, but have not taken it with a group before. In fact I have often resisted it somewhat: partly because it seemed unnecessary and disrespectful to Ringu Tulku; partly because it's a vow that brings up fear. Committing to be of service to other beings isn't always what I want - which of course is ignorance and selfish ego-clinging, but the awareness of that doesn't always make much difference! This weekend, however, I realised it was more important even than the joyful blessing of the Tara empowerments: it is the foundation of all practice really and without it, apparently becoming a Buddha is not possible.
Whether it was the power of the ceremonies, and of Dulmo Choje's presence, I don't know but I felt very weird indeed on Saturday evening: I think my physical system is under a lot of strain from hormones, bleeding, herbs and perhaps lack of iron now and sometimes I don't feel well at all and have very odd symptoms. However, I've decided this is absolutely inseparable from a Tara Peace Pilgrimage and the journey happens to be taking me through the female body right now rather than around the world.
I have been reflecting on jealousy a little, but this isn't a poison that I experience very much or very often so I don't have much to say really. I've been aware of seeing friends with babies and feeling curious about why this has never been my reality - especially when I wanted it so much, provided the conditions were "right". Sometimes I think I have been jealous, but not significantly. I just want to be like other women capable of reproducing and in harmony with that part of my nature and physical make-up. I guess I have been all along, but never put it to the test - and now it looks as if it might be over, well, that's okay. I can express that part in other ways. It's not the end of the world.
What I would like, however, is a relationship. A partner - a boyfriend in fact!! I've met someone I rather like, but he's not long out of a fairly awful-sounding situation and doesn't want to enter another relationship in any hurry. I notice my habitual tendency to want to help and "heal" - which he is in fact attracted to! - but in the past I've always compromised my own wishes for a relationship in order to give the other person what they need. It's a recipe for disaster, because the lack of honesty - or vigilance - on my part means I end up resenting them and in conflict and emotionally messy entanglement about healing and love. Lovely!! So I'm not doing it this time. I'm not lying to myself or denying what I want in order to have a half-baked affair on someone else's terms.
But it's good to know I am ready for another relationship - and that the energetic legacy of my connection with Jon, Rob and Sedric has pretty much gone now. I am free!
Relationships of course are great arenas for jealousy, so let's just hope I'm not inviting one into my life and opening the door to lots of trouble....
Dulmo Choje Rinpoche has been in London this weekend and I went to Samye Dzong to see him - to receive the Bodhisattva Vow and White Tara empowerment. Green Tara I missed...but sat and did the practice in the garden here during the time of the empowerment in central London.
I have taken the Bodhisattva Vow with Ringu Tulku, but have not taken it with a group before. In fact I have often resisted it somewhat: partly because it seemed unnecessary and disrespectful to Ringu Tulku; partly because it's a vow that brings up fear. Committing to be of service to other beings isn't always what I want - which of course is ignorance and selfish ego-clinging, but the awareness of that doesn't always make much difference! This weekend, however, I realised it was more important even than the joyful blessing of the Tara empowerments: it is the foundation of all practice really and without it, apparently becoming a Buddha is not possible.
Whether it was the power of the ceremonies, and of Dulmo Choje's presence, I don't know but I felt very weird indeed on Saturday evening: I think my physical system is under a lot of strain from hormones, bleeding, herbs and perhaps lack of iron now and sometimes I don't feel well at all and have very odd symptoms. However, I've decided this is absolutely inseparable from a Tara Peace Pilgrimage and the journey happens to be taking me through the female body right now rather than around the world.
I have been reflecting on jealousy a little, but this isn't a poison that I experience very much or very often so I don't have much to say really. I've been aware of seeing friends with babies and feeling curious about why this has never been my reality - especially when I wanted it so much, provided the conditions were "right". Sometimes I think I have been jealous, but not significantly. I just want to be like other women capable of reproducing and in harmony with that part of my nature and physical make-up. I guess I have been all along, but never put it to the test - and now it looks as if it might be over, well, that's okay. I can express that part in other ways. It's not the end of the world.
What I would like, however, is a relationship. A partner - a boyfriend in fact!! I've met someone I rather like, but he's not long out of a fairly awful-sounding situation and doesn't want to enter another relationship in any hurry. I notice my habitual tendency to want to help and "heal" - which he is in fact attracted to! - but in the past I've always compromised my own wishes for a relationship in order to give the other person what they need. It's a recipe for disaster, because the lack of honesty - or vigilance - on my part means I end up resenting them and in conflict and emotionally messy entanglement about healing and love. Lovely!! So I'm not doing it this time. I'm not lying to myself or denying what I want in order to have a half-baked affair on someone else's terms.
But it's good to know I am ready for another relationship - and that the energetic legacy of my connection with Jon, Rob and Sedric has pretty much gone now. I am free!
Relationships of course are great arenas for jealousy, so let's just hope I'm not inviting one into my life and opening the door to lots of trouble....
posted by Anna Howard | 8:36 AM
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