Healing Emotions

This subject is worthy of a book in itself, but just a few thoughts here. When emotions stir, they affect the whole of the mind and body, and the stronger they are, the more disturbance they create. Dealing with our emotions in a healthy way can be difficult - and first of all we need to know how to do that.

Buddhism emphasises a peaceful way of life, and this has sometimes been misunderstood as NOT having any emotions - or thoughts for that matter. Becoming some kind of blank slate that wanders through life unaffected and unperturbed by anything. Whilst becoming increasingly stable mentally and emotionally is a definite goal, and result, of practicing Buddhism correctly, this is not attained through suppression or denial of emotion or thought.

Emotions and thoughts are hard to separate. Have you ever cried without a whole storyline accompanying the tears? Or shouted in anger without a whole list of reasons why you're angry? We have a strong habit of taking our emotions very seriously in the West: the pendulum swinging from the Victorian refusal to acknowledge or express emotion to the more recent tendency to "let it all hang out"... and then find someone to blame and probably take them to court and sue them.

Within Buddhism, we are taught to take our emotions more lightly. And to find ways of bringing our emotions "onto the path", of developing compassion through them, as well as a deeper understanding of ourselves and others. Emotions are described as clouds that pass across the sky, temporarily obliterating the sun - which is our true nature. When we caught in the drama of the clouds, we enter confusion and a lot of suffering. If we can stay a little detached and observe the drama, whilst remembering that it will all pass and doesn't have to "mean" anything at all, then we are more likely to return to peace quickly, and handle the situation provoking those emotions more calmly and skillfully.

Emotions are never regarded as bad things. They arise. They are part of our experience. Acting them out can cause problems - just as repressing them can. We have to find the middle way. Feel them, accept them and use them. Being able to open to them is easier for some than for others; they can be overwhelming and often they are very painful. This is why we want to get rid of them: either by throwing them onto someone else (shouting, blaming, etc) or by ignoring them. Both of these methods create tension, stress and suffering. If we can open to them without resistance, then they become a source of great wealth, of a great sense of homecoming.

There is a term in Buddhism called "bodhicitta" - the awakened heart. Without bodhicitta, there can be no real progress in spiritual understanding or development. So bodhicitta is really very fundamental. Through the arising and opening to our emotions, we directly connect with our heart. When we feel pain, in whatever form, just as it is without DOING anything to it or explaining it in any way, we find ourselves directly in touch with something very tender in the heart of our being. Very tender and very soft. This is the source of our compassion and understanding. For ourselves, for others, for the relative truth of suffering which all beings experience. It is this softening around our emotions, or in the face of someone experiencing strong emotion, that allows the emotions to subside of their own accord. And which allows the real connection to take place: a connection that has often been missing and whose absence is often the very reason the painful emotion is there in the first place. We are all looking for connection and love. Because that is the truth of our being. We are looking for ourselves, looking for that love that is already at the very heart of ourselves.

As we develop, there is a very particular practice called "tonglen" that is simple and immensely powerful in its ability to transform emotion. In many positive visualisation techniques, we are taught to breathe in and imagine good things coming in, and to breathe out pain and suffering. In "tonglen", we do the opposite. We breathe in all the suffering and negativity and breathe out all the joy, love and peace. This is only appropriate once bodhicitta has arisen, but at this point, the tender heart is so completely capable of transforming any pain and suffering quite naturally and without effort INTO compassion, peace and love (joy if you're lucky - that tends to come a bit later!) that this is simply the most effective way of dealing with suffering - our own or anyone else's. This technique will erode the ego, and since the ego is the whole cause of suffering in the first place, it can only lead to greater and greater freedom and happiness.