Empowerments

Tara on Tour

Dulmo Choje Rinpoche has been in London this weekend and I went to Samye Dzong to see him - to receive the Bodhisattva Vow and White Tara empowerment. Green Tara I missed...but sat and did the practice in the garden here during the time of the empowerment in central London.

I have taken the Bodhisattva Vow with Ringu Tulku, but have not taken it with a group before. In fact I have often resisted it somewhat: partly because it seemed unnecessary and disrespectful to Ringu Tulku; partly because it's a vow that brings up fear. Committing to be of service to other beings isn't always what I want - which of course is ignorance and selfish ego-clinging, but the awareness of that doesn't always make much difference! This weekend, however, I realised it was more important even than the joyful blessing of the Tara empowerments: it is the foundation of all practice really and without it, apparently becoming a Buddha is not possible.

Whether it was the power of the ceremonies, and of Dulmo Choje's presence, I don't know but I felt very weird indeed on Saturday evening: I think my physical system is under a lot of strain from hormones, bleeding, herbs and perhaps lack of iron now and sometimes I don't feel well at all and have very odd symptoms. However, I've decided this is absolutely inseparable from a Tara Peace Pilgrimage and the journey happens to be taking me through the female body right now rather than around the world.

I have been reflecting on jealousy a little, but this isn't a poison that I experience very much or very often so I don't have much to say really. I've been aware of seeing friends with babies and feeling curious about why this has never been my reality - especially when I wanted it so much, provided the conditions were "right". Sometimes I think I have been jealous, but not significantly. I just want to be like other women capable of reproducing and in harmony with that part of my nature and physical make-up. I guess I have been all along, but never put it to the test - and now it looks as if it might be over, well, that's okay. I can express that part in other ways. It's not the end of the world.

What I would like, however, is a relationship. A partner - a boyfriend in fact!! I've met someone I rather like, but he's not long out of a fairly awful-sounding situation and doesn't want to enter another relationship in any hurry. I notice my habitual tendency to want to help and "heal" - which he is in fact attracted to! - but in the past I've always compromised my own wishes for a relationship in order to give the other person what they need. It's a recipe for disaster, because the lack of honesty - or vigilance - on my part means I end up resenting them and in conflict and emotionally messy entanglement about healing and love. Lovely!! So I'm not doing it this time. I'm not lying to myself or denying what I want in order to have a half-baked affair on someone else's terms.

But it's good to know I am ready for another relationship - and that the energetic legacy of my connection with Jon, Rob and Sedric has pretty much gone now. I am free!

Relationships of course are great arenas for jealousy, so let's just hope I'm not inviting one into my life and opening the door to lots of trouble....

Under My Nose...

Tara on Tour

Very unexpectedly, the Fourth Tara has been placed right under my nose. I came back to Blackheath on Sunday and whilst doing Tara practice yesterday, it became clear that the Fourth Tara should go in the garden of my family home. When I thought about this, I realised how appropriate - if a bit shocking - this was. Over the years, there have been a lot of fights at home and a lot of anger has flown around. The change now is enormous and might be considered something of a miracle - except that there has also always been a lot of love and a strong will to understand and accept each other. This seems to have won because the tensions that were once there have truly gone - and the reason for this is a change within us all.

So, whilst I have been contemplating Australia, Southern California, even Spain or the South of France for this Tara.... I have gone no further than my own backyard for her home. More than anything, this has shown me that I cannot predict in advance where each Tara is going to take me and that it isn't me who is in charge of this!! I find that liberating and reassuring somehow, which is also I guess the blessing of Tara... and realise that there is no "working for the benefit of others" that doesn't directly emerge from the work that I do on myself....

Fifth Tara

Tara on Tour

A brief introduction to the Fifth Tara.... she protects from dangers related to the air element - hurricanes, tornadoes, storms - and from suffering arising from the negative emotion of jealousy. She is white in colour and holds the symbol of Mt. Meru in her left hand. Mt. Meru symbolises the abundance of the Earth.

When it comes to jealousy, which is one of the most insidious of the poisons and which truly is a "green-eyed monster" at its most intense, the nature of the underlying fear seems to have something to do with abandonment, loss, or lack - the sense of incompletion. When jealousy is transformed, it is described as "all-accomplishing wisdom" and I have often struggled to understand what is really meant by that. As far as my current understanding goes, when our minds are free from jealousy, we have energy available to accomplish a great deal - we have a strong motivation to accomplish a great deal, because we are aware of all that we want perhaps but rather than begrudging others who have it (whatever "it" is) and feeling sorry and bitter that we don't, we are free to go out and create it for ourselves.

Another way of understanding this is to think of the interconnectedness between all beings - to remember that we are not truly separate from each other and that nothing one person has is taking anything from us. In fact, if my friend suddenly attains something desirable, I feel joy in this because I am happy for my friend and realise that their happiness is actually an intrinsic part of my own. So there is nothing to be jealous of.

So these are my first thoughts about the nature of Fifth Tara....and we'll see what lessons unfold for this one!

Transformation

Tara on Tour

I have just written about the incredible blessing and teaching I have had this week - through being forced to confront a really painful situation that has caused a lot of hurt and anger. This blessing has helped to transform the anger in such a way that I understand more clearly what it means to be "protected from anger". However, the computer crashed and wiped it all out. Creating more perfect conditions for anger!!

However... I accept this has happened and that what I hoped would be a real source of inspiration and blessing to any reader has gone. For the time being. Suffice to say: within the experience of real love, which is within the heart-mind of all of us, the conditions for anger do not exist. Compassion and understanding naturally fill all the space that anger usurps when the heart-mind cannot open to the truth. Opening is painful but, like childbirth perhaps, the pain only lasts as long as the opening is happening. Thereafter there is the joy and peace and love of Life that is unchanging and that makes all things appear "new".

Anger

Tara on Tour

Perhaps not surprisingly, and probably rather usefully, I've been experiencing lots of anger this week. I dare say that evoking the presence of this fourth Tara has brought material to consciousness that she can help to transform.

The predominant reason for these feelings has been conflict about this very pilgrimage. Having intended to head off to various parts of the world, I have found very little genuine enthusiasm to do so - and in fact would resent the cost and stress that travel entails. I have also been sleeping in a room where the next-door neighbour is rather disturbed and who cries loudly at all hours of the night!! Outside the window, she has posted big sheets of paper saying "ALL THE MANY HOURS OF OTHER PEOPLE'S TIME USED UP ...AND THE STRESS INFLICTED....THESE ARE THE ONLY REALITIES". So I am kept awake experiencing HER reality!!!! Trying to muster compassion and send it through the walls, but usually only managing to do this after about 2 hours of silently boiling "will you just bloody shut up?"

Ooops. Rather a long way to go.

My firey temperament is a source of many jokes in the family and I'm frequently reminded of, for example, the time when I tried to get to school one Winter and there were obstacles everywhere. The fucking train wasn't working and I couldn't get the fucking petrol cap off the fucking car and generally I was rather fucked off!!

The mind gets hotter and hotter, tighter and tighter, when anger's arisen. In fact the voice of anger - and the personality that accompanies the voice - are quite distinct. I've been sitting with it and bringing awareness to it, sitting through the painful feelings that are behind the angry ones....and it's amazing how this practice changes things. How the state of mind eases, opens, releases - and how there is always an answer within the extreme emotion. An answer that moves things forward in a constructive way rather than allowing them to go round and round in a destructive way.

The answer that came with regard to the conflict around this pilgrimage was quite unexpected. Instead of seeing myself as an isolated unit trying to climb Everest all by myself, there is another view - which is that I am part of a team. A Tara Team. I do not have to take all the Taras myself; they can be given to others and taken to different places by those who are sympathetic and understanding of the task at hand. That way, not only do the Taras get around the world as planned, but other people receive the blessing of her protection whilst they are doing the travelling. And become an integral part of a big network of compassion and wisdom flowing out into the world. Brilliant!

This solution has lifted a huge weight from my shoulders and opened the space in my mind again. Pressure off. Stress dissipated. Anger transformed into mirror-like wisdom!! Well, near enough. life no longer feels so utterly overwhelming or terrifying.
Thank you Tara.

Fire

Tara on Tour

Australia is known to have some of the worst bush fires/wild fires in the world, with Southern California following a close second. In areas where there are very dry conditions, and forestation, the risk of fire is very high and it takes only a casually discarded match or an unguarded campfire to start a blaze that will wipe out acres of land and endanger wildlife and human life. Many fires are also ignited by lightning or by power lines, vehicle crashes or sparks from farm machinery. These are the accidental fires. Many more are started deliberately and arson has caused considerable damage in areas where vegetation burns like tinder.

The Fire Danger Index, used in Australia, calculates risk factors such as temperature, relative humidity, wind speed, drought and the availability of fuel in any given area. The most dangerous combination is high temperature, low humidity, high winds and lack of rain. Bushfires spread as a thin front of flames as can be seen in the photograph. Forest fires normally travel at 1-3 km/h, and have flames of between 10 and 20 metres. Grass fires travel faster: 3-10 km/h but occasionally they have been known to travel as fast as 25 km/h. The stronger the wind, the faster the fire will spread. It's the hot, dry winds blowing from the central arid region of Australia that produce such favourable conditions for fire.

During the heatwave in Britain earlier this year, a wildfire in the county of Surrey resulted in the loss of several acres of heath at Thursley Common. Firefighters in this part of the world had to tackle the kind of fire normally reserved for hotter, drier climates, and it alerted the country to the higher risk of such incidents particularly during very hot, dry spells. There is a general consensus that Britain's firefighters will be dealing with similar incidents more often in the future, and provision is being made for suitable training and equipment.

So, have fires always been a problem for the Earth? Well, according to research undertaken by a London-based geologist, who specialises in the study of charcoal, fires were once quite rare. But this was a very, very long time ago: during the first 50 million years of plant evolution in fact. From around 365 million years ago, severe fires became widespread over the planet, and this was in part caused by rising oxygen levels. Fires need oxygen to burn and when oxygen levels were at their peak (some 275 million years ago), even damp vegetation would have ignited very easily. We are not at the same risk today, but it is clear that global warming is having an impact on our climate in so many ways - and the incidence of wildfire is likely to increase.

Fourth Tara

Tara on Tour

Tara protecting from fire - and from the suffering and sickness arising from anger. The fourth Tara is yellow and holds a water crystal in her left hand.

I began working with this Tara last week, and have no idea where she's going to take me. I'm drawn to Australia, where bush fires are a regular problem, but the commitment to get there is financially prohibitive and I await further guidance!

In the meantime, I've been looking at the mind poison of anger and seeing how many problems this causes. Just watching the Israelis and Hezbollah launching attack after attack on each other, each side angry with the other and determined to "defend" itself from the enemy. This is a clear example of what can happen when anger escalates, of the mindset that anger gives rise to. Anger needs an enemy, a belief in separation and irreconcilable difference. It is a fire within the mind and if it isn't pacified, it quickly goes out of control and inflicts huge harm. One of the problems is that anger is brilliant at self-justification: its arguments, reasoning, all so convincing to the person experiencing the anger.

What is anger rooted in? It must be fear. When we become afraid, when our sense of self is threatened in any way, we experience a whole number of emotional options - and anger is a very strong and habitual one.

If I look at my own mind, I can see that for many years I was plagued with frequent and overwhelming experiences of anger. There was always a rush of power that came with the anger - and this power kicked words or actions into motion that seemed to protect me. They certainly removed me from the person or situation in question, but usually there was regret afterwards and a realisation that the whole picture had been lost.

Within Buddhism, all the poisons have their corresponding wisdom: in other words, emotions are not a problem if we can "catch" them before they've taken over and allow the essence of them to emerge within the mind. When anger is transformed, there is mirror-like wisdom: a clear, sharp mind that reflects like a mirror. Maybe you know the experience of the mind suddenly becoming very clear when you're angry; I think that's the mirror-like wisdom dawning, but the secret is to have the clarity without the emotion. There is no enmity. No "other". No projection. Just pure anger - which is not really anger in the way we normally know it at all.

I remember hearing that the Dalai Lama still has to work on transforming anger - that, for him, this is still a vulnerable area. He has so much reason to be angry, and yet his message is consistently one of non-violence and non-retaliation. Against the Chinese in his case, but against any aggressor in truth. Meeting unprovoked and completely unjustified violence from others must be one of the toughest challenges on the spiritual path. Jesus was also faced with this one, and his words from the cross - "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do" are some of the most powerful words ever spoken, to my mind. They were genuine: his compassion was so deep and his understanding so complete that he knew that such actions would only lead to immense suffering on the part of the people carrying out such harm. He knew that whatever suffering he endured at their hands was temporary and transient.

Living like a Jesus, a Gandhi, a Dalai Lama is not exactly easy....but they provide the most shining examples of the power of tranforming anger into compassion, violence into nonviolence. This must be the only real way to achieve peace in our own minds and in our world.

Allhallows

Tara on Tour

The Third Tara has been placed. In a bleak, obscure part of the country where nothing much happens and the land is flat and mostly given over to grazing and a residential caravan park. Allhallows. On the northern shores of Kent; the official point at which the River Thames ceases and becomes the English Channel. The Thames Estuary is bigger than I expected and with the tide out, the mudflats seem to extend for several hundred metres before water can be seen. On one side is Southend-on-Sea in Essex, the Isle of Sheppey just beyond Allhallows and it's a mystery why this tiny, isolated village was chosen to mark the offical mouth of the Thames. Did someone take samples of the water in various places and determine the degree of seawater compared to river water? Or was it less scientific and more random? With a name like Allhallows, it could even be argued to have had religious significance - but that's a bit unlikely. A more Godforsaken place is not hard to imagine.

Yet, there was a strange peace there. Walking over the marshland (very dry in this drought) and up to the seawall, the wind blew and the cows quietly grazed; over the seawall and sitting at the edge of the tide, monotones of grey stretched ahead in all directions as pebbled beach, mudflats, river, sea and cloud all merged, confounding the senses and calming the mind. I sat for quite some time, thinking of the journey with this Tara and the people, places and events that are under her protection. Placing her in a rocky crevice, overlooking the river and the sea, I doubt she'll ever be found. May her blessing spread throughout this corner of England and beyond, protecting all who live in areas where water is a threat to lives and livelihood.

Returning to London, I stopped in Rochester for lunch and to visit the cathedral, which is the second oldest in the country. It's a beautiful, inspiring building with Britain's finest example of an original medieval wallpainting. Painted in the 13th Century, the Wheel of Fortune shows the ascending time of man's life: I was struck by the similarity between this English depiction of life and the Buddhist Wheel of Fortune.

I was also struck by the strong presence of the Holy Mother - both in the Lady Chapel and in the gardens, where there is a modern sculpture of Mary and Jesus, commissioned to commemorate the 850th anniversary of the cathedral. Rochester Cathedral is the mother church for the whole diocese of Kent, and it made me feel very much as if - once again - Tara and Mary are very similar in their qualities and in how they are perceived. They work to help people in the same way. The Divine Mother has many faces. She is there, in so many different ways - we just have to know where and how to look.