Tara on Tour

The Final Frontier...

2007-06-28T12:24:00.000-07:00

Here we are then, opening the door on the final Tara to be placed for this project. This is the "Wish-Fulfilling Jewel", also known rather bizarrely as Tara protecting from Evil Spirits. This Tara is green and holds an emblem known as the Glorious Knot: she protects from failure in business, in projects, agriculture, from failing to implement one's aims. Within the mind she protects from worry, mental anguish, competitiveness, indecision. The perfect Tara to complete the story... and to ensure that I get to the end!

Having had such a long, protracted and uncertain journey with the last Tara, it was something of a shock to sit this one on my shrine, begin practice and - whoosh - instantly get the message about where to take her. Could almost be called an anti-climax but actually it made perfect sense once I thought about it.

This one I must take to The Salisbury Centre in Edinburgh and put her in the garden there. This whole project began there 18 months ago and it is very appropriate that, as with all good epics, I should come full circle and end the journey back where it started. There is a wonderful sense of completion in doing that.

Furthermore, The Salisbury Centre is itself undergoing a major refurbishment and the scale of this project is such that the placing of this particular Tara at this time will be of great benefit. And I feel sure that her presence there will support the many people that come to the centre for spiritual and personal growth and healing.

Quite when she gets there isn't clear just yet, but no doubt it'll become obvious very soon...

At last...

2007-06-27T08:12:00.000-07:00

By what feels like nothing short of a miracle, I have finally found a home for Tara protecting from Sickness. Or at least found the right person for the job. She has gone to Leandra, who will initially take her to France next week, and work with her there - and then very probably on to Asia in the Autumn.

Knowing that nothing is a coincidence, what has happened over the last few days must be relevant to the timing, and to Tara's choosing of Leandra.

Initially, I felt that Tara protecting from Sickness was connected to Simon, and to the relationship between myself and Simon - and that she was indeed destined to go to France. Inevitably I thought we might take her there together, but the journey has evolved in a different way. I would say that both he and I, over the last few weeks, have experienced quite a lot of "inner disturbance" both in our respective lives and occasionally between us. On Sunday, a whole load of inner disturbance played itself through my mind after Simon managed to mess up the first meeting we'd arranged together for months. In the middle of the following night, I woke up quite suddenly with a very clear mind - in fact, it was as if my ordinary mind had been taken over by another mind. A very clear one! Tara's mind? In that clarity I saw that the most loving, wise and compassionate action to take at this point in time - to stop the suffering and speed up the purification/removal of obstacles - was to give the relationship up completely. To step right out. For now. Within the mind that saw this, there was complete freedom and no desire, no attachment, no fear and no doubt. No problem! I acted on this, knowing that I probably wouldn't be able to stay in that state of mind but that it was absolutely the right thing to do.

It seems now, in the light of finishing my part of the work with this Tara, that that experience was a taste of the protection she gives in relation to inner disturbance. Preventing it, protecting from it.

Curiously, Simon went to France yesterday - just for an overnight visit, but to the place that he feels drawn to in relation to the healing/health centre he/we want to create.

And I don't think Leandra would mind my saying that she too is working with the kind of inner disturbance that relationships can provoke - and so I am really happy that Tara has been passed on to her at this point in her life, and have every confidence that both she and Tara will benefit enormously from their journey together.

Tara in Tibet

2007-06-19T07:13:00.000-07:00

The following entry has been sent by Sara Trevelyan:

"It was in August of last year (2006) that my friend Anna asked me if I would be willing to take one of her Tara statues to Tibet. I had told her that I was going on a special pilgrimage there organised by Thomas Warrior from the Shambala Retreat Centre in the north of Scotland by Findhorn. I felt that it was a great privilege to be invited to do this for her.

Tara arrived beautifully wrapped and I placed the small package on my shrine. I positioned her with care amongst my belongings and prayed that my inner guidance would let me know where I should place her. On our pilgrimage we were going to visit a number of different sacred sites in and around Lhasa. The Tara that I had been entrusted with was, appropriately, Tara who protects from political oppression.

When we landed at the airport, the sight of the Chinese guards was an immediate reminder of the political realities of Tibet. I placed my Tara in my hand. The bus sped along the road and outside we had our first views of this extraordinary country. The mountainous landscape was barren but spectacular. Alongside we could see the broad stretches of the Brahmaputra River which has its source near Mt Kailash. We drove along a modern highway - one thing which the Chinese have to their credit is that they are good at building roads. However, this has resulted in the natural protection which Tibet was afforded - through being so inaccessible and remote - being seriously undermined.

We soon drew up outside a very ancient temple called Drolma Lhakang. This temple was originally built by Atisha and is dedicated to Tara. It was my first glimpse of these extraordinarily ancient buildings with golden prayer wheels and prayer flags fluttering high above us in the breeze. Overhead was a vivid blue sky. Thomas invited us to open ourselves to feel the energies of this very special place which remarkably was one of the few monasteries left intact and to invoke Tara's blessing on our pilgrimage.

Inside it was extraordinary to see in the middle chamber a shrine dedicated to the 21 Taras and in the centre, behind a thick grill and therefore scarcely visible, was the original Tara made by Atisha. Viewing this left me filled with feelings of awe and reverence. The significance of this precious place being left intact despite the maelstrom which affected the rest of the country felt inescapably linked to Tara's blessing of protection.

I immediately felt that this was the right place for the Tara which I had been entrusted with. My only hesitation was that we had only just arrived and we had several other important temples to visit. I consulted with Thomas and he immediately said that this was the right place. I was intrigued by the suddenness and quickness of all of this as these are qualities associated with Tara. She responds immediately!

I placed her with great care underneath the Tara made by Atisha, along with a Khata which I had brought with me from Kopan Monastery. At Kopan that morning some of us had spoken to one of the monks who told us that he was from Shigatse. His parents had fled to safety in Nepal when he was a small boy. He spoke whistfully of his homeland and asked us to bring him back a piece of Tibet when we returned at the end of our pilgrimage. I was struck by the extraordinary injustice of us being able to board a plane and arrive here whereas he, a Tibetan, is still in exile and cannot return home. I thought of him and of so many others whose situation is similar, most notably HH the Dalai Lama. I thought of Tara and imagined the deep floodwaters of her compassion flowing out to the Tibetan people who have suffered so much through the catastrophe of the Chinese occupation. I also imagined her compassion flowing out toward the Chinese. What strange karma has brought them here and is there some deeper significance in all that has happened?

My prayer as I placed Tara was that this time of oppression swiftly comes to an end and that HH the Dalai Lama will be able to return to Tibet to make an active contribution to the healing of his people. It was then time to continue our journey into Lhasa. The rest of our pilgrimage was equally moving and we were able to visit several wonderful places. We did on a couple of different occasions however experience problems which could have seriously affected our visit - on these occasions Thomas encouraged us to say Tara's mantra and we all felt sure that through doing this we were able to invoke her protection - each time we did this the threatened disruption was averted.

So my gratitude is immense for having been able to participate in such an inspiring project which I hope will bring Tara's blessings to many different situations. It felt particularly special to have been invited to take her to her homeland, Tibet, at this present time when the political situation remains as intractable as ever and therefore the faith which the Tibetan people have in Tara, the mother of all the Buddhas, is of inestimable importance."

What Sara didn't know.........was that Drolma Lhakang temple is Akong Rinpoche's monastery in Tibet. Rinpoche had blessed her Tara and inspired this whole project, and Sara, through following intuition and some extraordinary synchronicity of events, was guided to leave her beneath the Mother of all Mothers! Om Tara.

South Africa

2007-05-29T03:42:00.000-07:00

Choden is an old friend of mine originally from South Africa who became a monk about two years ago. He recently returned there on a trip with Lama Yeshe Losal Rinpoche, Abbot of Samye Ling Monastery, and has sent in this account of his visit:

"South Africa was beautiful and abundant. The sun shone everywhere we went, the earth felt powerful and space vast. Yet there is the undercurrent of violence lurking in the shadows; those who do not have envying and conspiring against those who have too much. Fear seemed to be etched onto people's faces. I took Tara protecting from War to Rokpa's therapy centre in Groot Marico in the northern part of South Africa and had it placed on the shrine there. For me, the significance of this aspect of Tara is that her energy and wisdom are like a protective shield warding off the lurking shadows of greed and violence - they cannot approach or penetrate the light of her awareness."

Medicine Buddha

2007-03-27T02:00:00.000-07:00

After the Medicine Buddha empowerment given by Akong Rinpoche in Edinburgh, healing has come to the forefront of my mind again. Within the Tibetan tradition, all medicine is created and viewed spiritually as well as physically. All sickness and disease begins with disharmony in the elements of the body, which is generated through physical or mental imbalance within the mind and/or outer environment. The greatest physicians in Tibet are usually "khenpos"; these are people who have very high levels of scholastic ability and accomplishment, often completing up to 15 years of study in Buddhist philosophy before such a title is conferred. Training in Tibetan medicine is additional to this.

The karmic causes and conditions for disease and sickness are impossible for the ordinary mind to know, but a highly realised Master will see not just the "display" of the sickness itself very clearly, but what has given rise to it in the first place. Any medicine prescribed will often be a combination of physical substances and treatments (herbs, acupuncture, certain exercises) and spiritual practices. Dorje Sempa, for example, for the purification of negative karma and its associated obscurations; Medicine Buddha for healing; Tara for fear; White Tara for long life. Any practice that works directly on the mind and how the mind is contributing to or causing imbalance will be advised. Occasionally spiritually blessed medicine, known as "dutsi", will be given. Dutsi consists of over 100 herbs ground into tiny grains over the course of 7-days when prayers are recited by one or more realised masters 24 hours a day. The positive benefit of taking dutsi is said to be very great indeed.

I am staying at Samye Ling now, where by good fortune both Rinpoche and Lama Yeshe are in residence at the same time. Yesterday was Medicine Buddha day and the monthly puja was held in the recently consecrated Medicine Buddha shrine room at the top of the temple. I'd not been there before and doing the practice in a room dedicated to the Medicine Buddha was a happy experience. Someone had put my name down on the list of people to pray for, and it was something of a shock to hear my name being read out! So there i was, having been invited to sit up with the senior sangha, falling off this illustrious perch into the humbling and strange experience of praying for myself as a sick person!!!

The Medicine Buddha has also "empowered" my healing work and development, and this year is no exception. Many ideas and insights are arising, both in terms of working with the healing energies of Tara in particular, and in terms of developing the healing channels through Reiki. It's time to do Reiki III.

Meanwhile, the work with the next Tara - Tara protecting from sickness and inner disturbance - has started....... more next time!

Holy Island

2007-03-25T11:42:00.000-07:00

Tara protecting long life and spiritual practice was placed on Friday morning up at the retreat cabin on Holy Island built for HH Karmapa. I arrived on the island on Wednesday, travelling easily and quickly from Ardrossan to Brodick on the Arran ferry, hopping on the bus down to Lamlash and then taking the little boat over to the island. From Arran, the island is clearly visible, rising up like a great mountain from the water. Protected by its proximity to Arran at the north end, the short crossing to the island takes place on a regular basis during the summer months, but perhaps only twice a week during winter. Volunteers were waiting to greet us, rushing to put down the wooden jetty, but it took a couple of attempts to bring the boat close enough to the jetty. Walking up to the Centre for World Peace and Health, eight small stupas line the path and remind the visitor of the Buddhist presence on the island - a presence that is very discreet and subtle once you're inside the centre.

The island itself is a rare natural haven for wildlife and a great deal of work has already been done, and continues to be done, to preserve the island's delicate ecology. The Centre itself has been designed to have minimal impact on the environment - solar panels, reed beds, organic gardens and proposed wind turbines all reduce energy expenditure; whilst the planting of native trees and the clearing of invasive non-indigenous plants enhance the original habitat.

The walk to the retreat cabin stretches from one end of the island to the other; and at first light on Friday, I set off with Tara in my pocket, listening to the high screetch of seagulls as I wandered along the rocky path saying mantras and watching the oystercatchers scuttling along the beach, the Soay sheep clambering up and down the rocks, the calm waters of the bay lapping gently at the water's edge. The south end of the island is much more exposed and in high winds, it's virtually impossible to walk that far - but today it was calm and mild and there were no problems. Except that I missed my footing on one rock and sunk deep into the mud at one point.

As you approach the south end, you pass a series of rock paintings: first there is White Tara, then Green Tara.... and then some of the founders of the Kagyu lineage, namely Marpa, Gampopa, Milarepa. The lighthouse at the south end comes into view and a collection of converted cottages: this is now the women's retreat centre and has recently hosted the first traditional long-term retreat for women in Britain. Beyond the perimeter of the fence and the path turns sharply to the left and begins to make the steep ascent to the top. A few hundred yards along the path, a small private path winds its way up to the retreat cabin.

Reaching the cabin, I turned round and stared at the view across the sea, with the southern tip of Arran visible to the right of the island. The sense of space, of light, of emptiness was immense - it was the right place for a meditation and retreat cabin. Through the little gate and into the garden, I was amused to see the name "Wisdom Palace" etched in wood at the entrance to this large but very simple wooden hut. Who needs material riches to live wealthily?? It's all in the mind.

Having done three koras of the cabin, I planted Tara in the centre of the little stone garden. May Karmapa's life be protected and may his wish to do retreat on Holy Island be fulfilled quickly and without obstacles.

Tara protecting from Sickness

2007-05-29T03:42:00.001-07:00

Finally, I think there is progress with this one! I feel as if I've been really stuck with this one, with very little happening that could be described as relevant. However, I think that's a mistaken view because a very great deal has been happening that pertains to the activity of this Tara - but it's not been possible or appropriate to write about it so far.

Since beginning the work with this Tara, I've reinstated the healing "business" I had in Edinburgh and bringing that work down to this part of the world. The business is called Tara Wisdom and offers healing and personal transformation to individuals and small groups. In essence it rests on the foundation that we are perfect, whole and complete - and ultimately already enlightened - as we are and that it is the blocks to that awareness that prevent us from being our true selves and living the lives we feel are really "ours". So, by using methods that a) focus on that innate enlightened essence and b) that dissolve the blocks, positive changes in our experience of life become natural and inevitable.

Inevitably this work will bring protection from sickness as well as improvement and sometimes cure when sickness is present. Some cures take place in the mind and although there may be no obvious change to a physical condition, the way in which an individual experiences their condition radically changes - and they become free of the suffering associated with it.

Over the past few weeks I have discovered a place in Kent, called The Seekers Trust, which is dedicated to prayer and healing. It's quite an extraordinary place, and has been running for over 80 years - founded by a healer and medium who received channelled guidance from a Frenchman, Dr Lascelles. They hold "Harmony Prayer Circles" several times a day when members of the community come together to pray for individuals who have requested help and healing. It truly is a place that testifies to the power of prayer - which I recently saw described as "the science of love".

I had also had the strong feeling that I should work with my friend Simon in relation to this Tara. There is something about him and the two of us together that generates powerful a healing energy - and something happened on Saturday which confirmed that. And which has suddenly connected me more consciously again with the link between our connection, my work and current life and this aspect of Tara.

I think she will find a home soon!

Healing Tara

2007-03-28T02:18:00.000-07:00

Invited into this space now is Tara protecting from Sickness, whose function is very similar to that of the Medicine Buddha. Sickness and disease are outward signs of imbalance within the body's elements; inner disturbance is harder to see but causes just as much and sometimes even more suffering. This Tara protects us from the causes and conditions resulting in disease and sickness and from fears related to them.

She is described as being yellow-green in colour, and as holding the same emblem as the Medicine Buddha: the healing arura plant.

In our world at the moment, there is a lot of sickness and disease, both physical and mental. And increasingly environmental. Within the Buddhist view, these are brought about through imbalance in the elements. All form comes into being through the "coagulating" of the 5 main elements: earth, water, fire, air and space. All disharmony within that form is caused by disarray amongst those elements. Strengthening and restoring balance between the elements gives us the best protection against disease and sickness, on every level - and whether that means balancing and strengthening the elements within our environment, our bodies or our minds, it doesn't matter. The methods relating to each one may be different, but the basic intention is the same.

One of the hardest things about this Tara journey is that i have to relate personally and directly to each of the fears, and use my own experience as the material to bring to consciousness, trusting the transformation that occurs through working with that particular Tara. Through working with myself, I hope to understand others more deeply, to understand the human condition more fully and so to bring benefit to others, and to myself. There is no point pretending i'm above and beyond all of these fears and problems. I'm not, but I have found a way to work with them that seems to make a real difference, and my wish through this writing is to pass that on to anyone who feels a connection with this work.

So - today - I woke up feeling pretty terrible, with lots of inner disturbance! All in the form of anxiety, which dissolved as the morning wore on into real sadness and an unstoppable flow of tears. The thoughts that accompanied this experience were: "i've given up so much to do this work and sometimes i wonder if it's worth it. My money is running out; i have no home; i have no deep place of belonging; no person to belong with at the deepest level of "earth". i fell in love with and still love someone who i'm too far away from. i'm doing what i'm doing for the bigger picture of love, but if it's making me so unhappy, what am i really doing?" Right now it doesn't help to know that homes, relationships, money are all impermanent anyway. They may be, but on the earth element level of basic security and happiness, they have their place and are important. Of course they can each bring problems and are not solutions in themselves, but they are visceral and they are to be worked with - not denied and avoided.

So I guess, examining this, the element that is out of balance here is the earth element. And if I am to bring Tara protecting from sickness into play, this is the element we will have to work with. i'm not quite sure what this is going to mean, but i open myself to discovering and implementing the healing path.

Enough for now.

Zimbabwe

2007-04-25T04:24:00.000-07:00

Tara protecting from Famine and Poverty has gone to Zimbabwe. This is a country badly in need of help, blessing and protection. There is so much suffering through poverty, disease and the oppressive regime of Mugabe. The friend who has gone has been a Tara practitioner for many years and is not afraid to meet and engage with suffering: she will bring a big heart of compassion to whoever she meets. It is very difficult to expose ourselves and be exposed to suffering on a massive scale and most people, myself included, are afraid to. To be able to meet it, handle it and respond appropriately takes a strong and very stable mind. The kind of mind that training in the Dharma gives you, but not necessarily straight away.

It is quite shocking to realise how many people there are in the world suffering huge hardship and difficulties; how much disease there is, how much war, how much poverty and starvation, displacement... things most of us don't experience in the West. Sometimes the relative comfort of my own life sits uneasily on shoulders that perhaps could bear more of the burden. To be able to comfort and help people who are not in a position to do that for themselves is a very great thing.

So now I am left with Tara protecting from Sickness, and the final Tara. But the journey will not be over once these two find their homes. Tara will continue to spread her blessings throughout the world as others take small statues with them on their own journeys. Whilst this isn't part of the original plan, it's a wonderful offshoot and extension. To date, one is going to Italy, one to the Congo and one to Sierra Leone. Anyone who would like one is welcome to get in touch.

Goa

2007-05-19T10:35:00.001-07:00

Tara Protecting from Thieves was given to my friends Justin and Lizzy, who were taking their twin daughters - Tara and India - for a 5-month stay in Goa. What follows is Justin's account of his journey with Tara:

"In south Goa, there is a beach with a rocky promontory on its north side. The rocks look out on fishermen in the bay. The fishermen look out on tourists. The beach is called Patnam.

For seven months of the year Patnam is a resort. Cooks and waiters commute from Northern India and Nepal and Bangladesh. The sun shines, music seeps from stereos, tourists sip cold beers in bamboo shacks and watch their tattoos redden. There is no rain; wind whispers through palm giving only the illusion of rain. There are no clouds. Every evening the fishermen cross the bay in boats of mango wood, black and tar-stained and weighed down with Western flesh. There are no fish anymore. Industrial trawlers on the horizon have drained the seas. The tourists sit in their boats and admire the sunset. The fishermen take their money and dream of being somewhere else.

And then the season ends.

For five months of the year there is no tourism, no money; there is the monsoon, dark clouds and strong winds and rain. The sea rises, boils, beats upon the shore, and the fishermen take their boats beyond the bay. Only now, when the trawlers retire to harbour and wait out the storms, do the fish return. And so the fishermen take out their boats and cast their nets, and every year a few fail to return, lives stolen by the wind and the rain and the sea.

In south Goa there is a beach with a rocky promontory on its north side. The rocks look out on fishermen in the bay. Amidst these rocks there is now a Tara. Perhaps the sea will be kinder this year.

Justin Nimmo
February 2007

Russia

2007-05-19T10:03:00.000-07:00

Tara Protecting from Weapons was given to my Russian friend Natasha last year, just before she returned to Moscow. What follows is her own journey of what happened and where this Tara took her:

"Everything in the Universe has a purpose.
There are no misfits, there are no freaks,
there are no accidents.
There are only things we do not understand" Marlo Morgan

I woke up twenty minutes before the alarm-clock rang. A few days before I had scheduled to go to the church with my mother, so it was quite an early rise. I still could not figure out what woke me at six o'clock - especially in view of the fact I went to bed long after midnight.
But that night before falling into a deep slumber I suddenly came to understand a very profound thing.... I will definitely tell you what it was that I realised but first I will describe the situation I was in at that moment.

I have been a Buddhist practitioner for 5 years, but was born Orthodox. Before I started to be involved in Buddhism, I was not a believer and went to church as much as I could to find the answer to the questions in my heart. But Buddhism helped me to re-evaluate many things about myself and the world, and through my studies I re-discovered Christianity as a wonderful religion (though it seemed to me the main message was misinterpreted and a lot of things were distorted).

This time I returned to Moscow from UK and brought with me a tiny Green Tara statue consecrated by Akong Rinpoche from Samye Ling Monastery in Scotland and that was given to me by my good friend Anna Howard. It was part of her Tara fundraising project and one of the things she felt strongly about was Tara activities spreading around the world. When she shared this idea with me, I thought it was great - she was giving little Taras to numerous people going to different destinations so that they can bring the activities symbolised by each of 21 emanations of Tara to all parts of the world. The one I brought with me was Tara Protecting from Weapons and it is usually pictured as dark blue in colour. I did not have any idea where to place her. I decided to wait and see. To a certain extent, I could not relate with the "weapon" issue. I know that there are always hazards of terrorist attacks any time in the world and there is a difficult situation in the southern part of my country (Chechnya)... but something was hampering me and I was confused and disorientated.

There has been a series of illnesses in my family recently - quite a serious disease that my younger brother has been suffering from unsettled my mother and kept her constantly on the verge of tears. For the last couple of months I haven't felt good myself and thought it might have been due to lack of vitamins and my limited vegetarian diet in this traditional family of meat-eaters. I got tired very quickly though had not been doing much since my return from the UK.

One day my mother's sister paid us a visit and suggested that some spiritual healing should be done here. And the event that was going to happen was out of the blue for me. She is a big Christian devotee and a woman who has got healing powers. After a conversation with my mother she said, throwing a sideways glance at me, that it would be a good idea for all of us to visit the Orthodox church service (the predominant religion in Russia) - an event extraordinary in itself considering my non-believing parents. There seemed to be some sense in her reasoning: as a religious person, she thought of going to church as a natural and powerful way to get rid of the influence of evil-doers and the evil eye. I smiled to myself as they probably thought I would refuse the whole idea point blank. I did not want to challenge them - and said I was eager to go, leaving all my Buddhist 'antics' for a moment.

And then the night before that, I finally realised where the tiny Tara Protecting from Weapons should be placed.

It became suddenly clear to me that a "weapon" could be figuratively anything we fight with ..... and then I thought about the WORD, either written or spoken, as the means of human communication and interrelation. "In the beginning was the Word...." and in our human realm, it became a powerful tool to influence each other's lives - to revere, to blame, to accuse, to LIE. How much misinterpretation there is as a result! Sometimes the WORD was used as an expression of love and good-will but more often it was used to decry, condemn and kill....

"WORDS CAN ONLY SEEK TO SYMBOLISE WHAT YOU KNOW, AND CAN OFTEN CONFUSE WHAT YOU KNOW"

I met a lot of people who were devotees of all sorts of different religions and among them the most intolerant were the Orthodox Christians I met in my country. Usually intolerance was based on ignorance and simple misunderstanding of the fundamentals of other religions. Most people would not see or try to understand what stood behind the words. We often think that words bear truth but actually they are not the truth itself, but only a reflection of it. We forget that the same word arising in different contexts can mean something entirely different and yet we grasp the meaning we know and transfer it to that other reality. Sometimes we just do not want to see a bigger picture because it is so comfortable to stay within our own shells, to keep on clinging to old worn-out ideas. To accept the fact that we might be wrong is frightening and distressing as what we do in our life is to protect our small egos from "invaders".

I have just remembered how Neale Donald Walsch in his book "Conversations with God" said that the Word is a very powerful energy sent into the Universe. "Everything you say is a thought expressed. It is creative and sends forth creative energy into the universe. Words are more dynamic (thus, some might say more creative) than thought, because words are a different level of vibration from thought. They disrupt (change, alter, affect) the universe with greater impact. Words are the second level of creation."

How powerful words can be! Positive as well as negative. But words still reflect our conceptual thinking and that is why words are the least reliable purveyor of Truth.

Thinking this way I wanted to do something that would stand for the idea that the real truth is unnamable. At the same time I would like people to be more aware of how they use their words.

I realised that the Tara should be placed near the Orthodox Church to symbolise the union of spirit and the mature understanding of true spirituality - and in particular of these two world religions. Buddhism and Christianity. After the service I put the little Tara in a hole in the ground under a little fir tree which was growing by the fence of the church...

I pray that in communicating with each other we remember to make our words meaningful. I pray that we are not afraid to say the words that hold true for us. And while cocooning in ever-refined searches for pleasure, I pray that we be mindful not to willingly harm a living soul with our words.

"What a piece of work is a man!"

With limitless potential yet to be realised..........

Natasha Afanasyeva
Moscow, November 2006

West London

2007-04-16T02:26:00.000-07:00

You don't have to travel the world to see or meet the world's population. A sunny afternoon in Holland Park, London and everyone you walk past is speaking a different language, wearing some strange outfit, looking at home in a country that is clearly not their original homeland. No one appears to think about this; there is total acceptance of one another. Really it's quite amazing when more than half the world is at war because people aren't the same. Here no one is the same, and yet there is total peace and harmony - effortlessly.

Coming to this part of London is another eye-opening experience. Such a kaleidoscope. Great wealth alongside hidden poverty; traditional establishment alongside funky, whacky fashion culture. I'm staying right beside Portobello Road, now apparently an "international institution", famous for its market stalls.

Yesterday I spent the morning wandering through Kensington Gardens, the public grounds really of Kensington Palace, home of Princess Diana. I was very struck when I visited the palace by a strong sense of the person she was and the life she lived, and why her death had such an impact. She represented a very unusual fusion of beauty and innocence, power and fragility, status and ordinariness; she brought a natural compassion and concern to many suffering people and touched many, many lives - she lived a life of enormous privilege and yet suffered herself and never forgot the humanity in people around her. She may have worn her heart on her sleeve to a degree that wasn't helpful, her hurt and anger spilling out in public attacks of the Royal Family; and she may have been looking too desperately for love and affection to have maintained stability and dignity within her private life, but she was I think a great light in the darkness of many people's lives.

I was struck too by the protection that royal status gives. Through palaces, status, position, title, material abundance, members of such a family are elevated to a degree where ordinary concerns are not the focus of their lives and they are free - if they choose - to be of tremendous service in the world. Whether they are or not must depend on motivation rather than opportunity. Handling such enormous privilege without becoming spoilt, degraded or indifferent to others takes a level of training and education that is easily overlooked by those who simply envy the material aspect of this life. Carrying the projections of so many people and being expected to turn up and preside over so many events.... not an easy job.

So - I am in another world again. Continuing to focus on Tara and in particular Tara protecting from Sickness and inner disturbance. As the practice has deepened with this one, so it is emerging that her main activity relates to the kinds of sickness caused by environmental problems. Cholera, typhoid, malaria, dysentry, plague: diseases that aren't a big problem in the west on the whole, but are responsible for high mortality and epidemics in other parts of the world. It no longer seems appropriate to take this Tara to France, but I remain open-minded and will see what arises as the journey with this Tara continues....

Letting Go

2007-04-01T11:43:00.000-07:00

Today has been a teaching on letting go. There is something about Samye Ling that exposes you to yourself, that peels back the layers and sticks pins in the parts that you like to keep hidden. It's very uncomfortable and there are times when you feel like you could be going slightly crazy - this morning was one of those times. After a night of interruptions and a lot of wakefulness as a result, I got up grumpy and mildly resentful of my friend sleeping in the room above: so I decided to go for a morning run. Helpful, but because your energy moves more quickly as a result, the mind can also shift very quickly between different states - so by the time I was at Samye Ling, I was feeling really annoyed and claustrophobic: aware that the strong habit people have to cling to each other shuts life down and creates strange control dramas. I can do it, but others can do it too. Perhaps we all do it to greater or lesser degrees - often unconsciously and always with fear and insecurity at the root.

Whenever i feel "trapped" by someone else's need or expectation, i get anxious - and confused and guilty. Which sooner or later develops into resentment and anger and the need to get the hell out. The original fear is that, if I don't play the game that they are unconsciously imposing, I expose them to their anxiety and get a whole load of shit as a result of that.

I'm sure it works the other way around too. That I can impose control within a situation or relationship in an attempt to make it behave the way i want it to, to feel secure, to feel the ground beneath my feet and a sense of relaxed confidence and assurance.

Last night, in the middle of the night, I had a strong experience of absolutely not being who i think i am. The memories, thoughts, ideas of "me, Anna" were like wallpaper: a thin veneer that creates a whole impression and seems to be all there is, but in fact the truth behind the wallpaper is where i really need to look to know who i am. Looking behind the wallpaper, there was plaster and a brick wall....and then there was huge empty space. The vastness and emptiness of who i really am (and you really are) was a relief, a surprise and yet incredibly familiar. Everything that I think i am is just an attempt to squeeze shape into this space and hold onto that shape for dear life. Agony!! Pointless and futile.

Nevertheless, coming into relationship with that vast emptiness is a bit scary once you leave the safety of the four walls where that experience showed itself. You sort of realise there's no self to protect, but the self is still there - and makes its presence felt through various antics. Behaviour at this point could become psychotic!! simply because the self needs to make its presence felt in larger and more extreme, desperate ways.

The secret of course is to relax - and to breathe. And to keep letting go. Keep letting go of the feelings that crash in, of the impulses to act stuff out. Keep relaxing into the space of being no one, not who you thought you were. A bit of sadness, of grieving the loss of something familiar; a lot of unknown stretching ahead; give up the dreams, the stories; the attempts to be someone, have something, reach somewhere.

Someone rings that i don't know, whose obviously annoyed with me and leaves an aggressive, demanding message. I want to make sure I don't do what he says. Don't give in to his demands. I feel challenged by his attack.... and a bit scared. Then i try to put into practice what i've been studying this week: breathing in the negativity and allowing it to transform within the tender heart that lies behind the reactions. Abandon fear, abandon anger, abandon pride.... how can i make this person happy and at peace without becoming a doormat? It seemed that the right response involved a serious amount of fearless letting go - on many levels. So I tried it: it hurt, but only because of the attachment; and I was amazed at how quickly this stranger changed from aggressive tyrant to open, friendly young man. Almost instant. What a teaching. What a teacher! I felt shaken afterwards and tearful, but only because i'd experienced how strong i can hold on, and how much letting go is an answer that i resist... and how truly "nothing" i really am and need to be in order to be free.

Healing Emotions

2007-03-29T08:41:00.000-07:00

This subject is worthy of a book in itself, but just a few thoughts here. When emotions stir, they affect the whole of the mind and body, and the stronger they are, the more disturbance they create. Dealing with our emotions in a healthy way can be difficult - and first of all we need to know how to do that.

Buddhism emphasises a peaceful way of life, and this has sometimes been misunderstood as NOT having any emotions - or thoughts for that matter. Becoming some kind of blank slate that wanders through life unaffected and unperturbed by anything. Whilst becoming increasingly stable mentally and emotionally is a definite goal, and result, of practicing Buddhism correctly, this is not attained through suppression or denial of emotion or thought.

Emotions and thoughts are hard to separate. Have you ever cried without a whole storyline accompanying the tears? Or shouted in anger without a whole list of reasons why you're angry? We have a strong habit of taking our emotions very seriously in the West: the pendulum swinging from the Victorian refusal to acknowledge or express emotion to the more recent tendency to "let it all hang out"... and then find someone to blame and probably take them to court and sue them.

Within Buddhism, we are taught to take our emotions more lightly. And to find ways of bringing our emotions "onto the path", of developing compassion through them, as well as a deeper understanding of ourselves and others. Emotions are described as clouds that pass across the sky, temporarily obliterating the sun - which is our true nature. When we caught in the drama of the clouds, we enter confusion and a lot of suffering. If we can stay a little detached and observe the drama, whilst remembering that it will all pass and doesn't have to "mean" anything at all, then we are more likely to return to peace quickly, and handle the situation provoking those emotions more calmly and skillfully.

Emotions are never regarded as bad things. They arise. They are part of our experience. Acting them out can cause problems - just as repressing them can. We have to find the middle way. Feel them, accept them and use them. Being able to open to them is easier for some than for others; they can be overwhelming and often they are very painful. This is why we want to get rid of them: either by throwing them onto someone else (shouting, blaming, etc) or by ignoring them. Both of these methods create tension, stress and suffering. If we can open to them without resistance, then they become a source of great wealth, of a great sense of homecoming.

There is a term in Buddhism called "bodhicitta" - the awakened heart. Without bodhicitta, there can be no real progress in spiritual understanding or development. So bodhicitta is really very fundamental. Through the arising and opening to our emotions, we directly connect with our heart. When we feel pain, in whatever form, just as it is without DOING anything to it or explaining it in any way, we find ourselves directly in touch with something very tender in the heart of our being. Very tender and very soft. This is the source of our compassion and understanding. For ourselves, for others, for the relative truth of suffering which all beings experience. It is this softening around our emotions, or in the face of someone experiencing strong emotion, that allows the emotions to subside of their own accord. And which allows the real connection to take place: a connection that has often been missing and whose absence is often the very reason the painful emotion is there in the first place. We are all looking for connection and love. Because that is the truth of our being. We are looking for ourselves, looking for that love that is already at the very heart of ourselves.

As we develop, there is a very particular practice called "tonglen" that is simple and immensely powerful in its ability to transform emotion. In many positive visualisation techniques, we are taught to breathe in and imagine good things coming in, and to breathe out pain and suffering. In "tonglen", we do the opposite. We breathe in all the suffering and negativity and breathe out all the joy, love and peace. This is only appropriate once bodhicitta has arisen, but at this point, the tender heart is so completely capable of transforming any pain and suffering quite naturally and without effort INTO compassion, peace and love (joy if you're lucky - that tends to come a bit later!) that this is simply the most effective way of dealing with suffering - our own or anyone else's. This technique will erode the ego, and since the ego is the whole cause of suffering in the first place, it can only lead to greater and greater freedom and happiness.

Edinburgh

2007-03-19T06:13:00.000-07:00

I arrived last week in Edinburgh and had to deal with one or two unexpected things within the first 24 hours - which were upsetting and shocking, but which provided emotional material to transform as quickly as possible through the blessing of Rinpoche's visit here.

Attending the Green Tara empowerment at the Botanical Gardens was very helpful; as was the following day's Medicine Buddha empowerment at the Royal College of Physicians. This was a real "first" and a great honour for Rinpoche to be invited to host a traditional Tibetan spiritual ceremony in the hallowed halls of a very conservative "temple to Western medicine". It was a beautiful space: very ornate and full of history, a gathering place for the most learned and accomplished of doctors and physicians of this part of the world. Very appropriate for this particular ceremony, and we were all moved by the meeting of Western and Eastern medicine on this occasion.

Being back in Edinburgh feels temporary. I didn't want to leave last summer, but I did leave - and the emotional ties here are largely gone. Some unfinished business with one or two people, and always the pleasure of spending time with dear friends, but no sense of belonging here anymore.

I'm going to Roslin this afternoon - the famous chapel thought to be connected to the Knight's Templars and the Magdalene line. I love it there. Very particular spiritual energy, which is hard to describe but is definitely "feminine" and quite earthy. Roslin is said to lie at the crown of a strong earth-line that runs down through France and ends/starts at the pilgrimage centre of Santiago de Compostela in Spain. Since France has emerged as the destination for Tara protecting from Sickness, it is good to have the opportunity to go to Roslin at this point.

Today

2007-02-08T05:22:00.000-08:00

Tara on Tour

Oh dear.... it's been nearly 3 months since the last entry. I've been working in the local pharmacy and not found the right time/mental space to sit and write. Apologies to all those following the story of Tara's travels, who may have felt I'd abandoned everything. Not at all: the Taras have been sent out on their various missions....

Tara protecting from Lions has gone to Kerala, India - to join Sarah Mahoney in an ashram out there.

Tara protecting from Snakes was a very unexpected placement. "Snakes" refers to all forms of poisons and toxins, as well as to scorpions, snakes themselves and other animals whose venom can harm or kill. Within the mind, this Tara protects from wrong views and from dullness of mind. Working in a pharmacy, you see quite a few drug addicts who are trying to come off heroin and are on prescription methadone. There was one customer in particular, a young girl, with whom I felt a lot of connection. She seemed very bright and switched on: someone who had a real future if she chose it. She was a known shoplifter and one particular day came in when the pharmacy was busy and moved swiftly round the shelves, picking up items and pocketing them or putting them back. It's quite an artform! The pharmacist confronted her and she pleaded innocent, got upset and flushed and left in a hurry. There was no question looking at the CCTV that she had been shoplifting. Within the pharmacy, we were all divided as to what to do. Should she be banned? Should she be given another chance? It was decided to give her another chance.... to tell her what we knew, what evidence we had, and to make sure that when she came in, she sat within view, took her medication and left. She still denied shoplifting, but agreed - and there appeared to be no further problems. I was very surprised to get the internal message during Tara practice that I should give Tara protecting from Snakes to this girl. Not a particularly easy task actually, since there are always so many people around and anyway, what on earth would she think??? So I prayed that Tara remove any obstacles to my doing this if this was her real wish. It took two days. That particular afternoon, she came in early and the locum pharmacist just happened to be out for about 15 minutes. Everything was quiet - no customers. No other colleagues. No one. It was bizarre and I couldn't ignore the significance of this. So, with heart pounding, I took Tara to this girl and gave her. She looked surprised, bemused and then read the card and smiled warmly and happily. Job done. So I pray that Tara will help her and work with her to overcome her addiction and find a new, positive direction in her life.

Having given this Tara, the time had come for the most wrathful emanation of Tara - Tara protecting from War and from the darkest, most negative forms of mind and behaviour. Wrathful Tara is black in colour and sits with hair flaming, holding a phurba (a ritual dagger that cuts through illusion and negativity) directly in front of her heart. I have to confess I was a bit nervous about this one. Given that she protects from genocide, black magic and the worst kinds of atrocity imaginable, I didn't know where this one would lead me. In fact, it was very straightforward. She has gone to Africa, with Choden and Lama Yeshe, and will be left either in Zimbabwe or in South Africa. As I write this, I remember that I gave my phurba to Lama Yeshe after I'd finished a month's retreat under his guidance. Lama has been the most wrathful teacher in my life; cutting ruthlessly through so many of my dreams and throwing me out of the monastery on more than one occasion for inappropriate behaviour with certain monks. I shouldn't be saying this, but it was true. I was in love on both occasions and firmly committed to the belief that there was nothing wrong with loving someone, or being with someone - and that sometimes relationships were every bit as spiritual as monastic life was. More so, at times. Not a problem. Except these two men were both monks at the time - with life vows - and being with them meant breaking a commitment that is not undertaken lightly in the first place and that is considered infinitely more precious than any relationship with a woman. Looking back, I cannot believe I was so naive, and so headstrong - but the karma involved in these situations was overwhelming and in a way I had no choice. There was right and wrong in my view and behaviour. And there has perhaps been no teaching more direct or more personal than the one I received through these experiences, and in relation to Lama Yeshe. I went through utter hell. Lama put me there. That was how I saw it, but perhaps he just put me right into the heart of the fire that was burning me up in hell anyway. For all the pain and devastation, persecution and some false accusations, there was something deep between myself and Lama Yeshe - and eventually, after many years and many tears, a few arguments and a determined refusal to "leave" or give up, all the negativity passed away and something very different took its place.

So - whilst he is not directly responsible for the placing of this particular Tara, it is very appropriate that he should be travelling with her. Choden is one of his monks, and a close friend of mine - with whom I shared a cottage in Edinburgh during the turbulent months he spent trying to make up his mind whether or not to go back and take robes. Oddly, for all that I had felt that the monks I had loved should leave their robes, I had an equally strong feeling that Sean should become a monk again. Which made me feel less of a monastery-wrecker. Sean (now Choden) is South African and knows the story of that land. He also has a strong connection with Tara and is very much the right person for this job.

Which brings me to the one I am working with now. Tara protecting from untimely death. She is very similar to White Tara, who bestows long life, health, merit and wisdom. Tara protecting from untimely death also protects from any opposition to spiritual practice, and to maintaining a strong spiritual life. A curious thing has happened in relation to this one. White Tara and this particular emanation of Green Tara have merged into one. On hearing that Karmapa warned that there were obstacles to his life, I was inspired to do some White Tara prayers..... during this session, there came a kind of strong intuition/wish/message that I should do a month's White Tara retreat for Karmapa. I approached Ringu Tulku who gave his blessing and had 10 days to give up my job and prepare myself and the house for a month's retreat. It all fell into place and happened easily and quickly.... and that is what I am currently doing. Sitting with White Tara and the emanation of Green Tara protecting from untimely death.

It is a great blessing and joy to do practice like this - and I wish all of you reading this the blessing of this practice too. If you wish to bring it more alive, you can recite the mantra and visualise good health, healing, positive conditions and long life coming to you and to anyone you would like to pray for:

OM TARE TUTTARE TURE MAMA AYU PUNYE JNANA PUSHTIM KURU SO HA

India and Nepal

2006-11-21T13:33:00.000-08:00

Tara on Tour

This is just a quick entry: mostly because I'm conscious I've not written for ages - and if I don't keep writing, the story may just fizzle out half way through!

Two more Taras are on their travels.

Tara protecting from Thieves has gone to India. She is with Justin and Lizzy Nimmo - and their twin daughters, India and Tara. This is a lovely story. Justin is one of my brother's closest friends, and he's one of the most outrageous characters I've ever met. Lizzy I had only met once when I was told that there were possible complications with her pregnancy, and she was very stressed. One morning I woke up with a really strong urge to get in touch with her: this urge felt directly connected to Tara, and so I took the plunge and wrote a letter........ putting aside ordinary concerns about interfering in someone else's business.

It was the most amazing feeling to hear that, when the twins were born, Lizzy and Justin decided to call one of them Tara.

Very appropriate, then, that one of the little Taras should be travelling with them in India - where the whole family has gone for a few months. Where they place her, and the story that unfolds around her, I look forward to.

Meanwhile, Tara protecting from Wild Elephants has gone to Nepal with my friend Sky. Sky is going first to Bodhgaya for a retreat, then to the Kagyu Monlams over Christmas, and then plans to do some volunteering - and pilgrimage. One place she will be visiting is in Nepal - the site of a rock where an image of Tara has spontaneously appeared. This "self-arisen Tara" is credited with strong blessing power, and I pray she guides and inspires Sky on her journey placing this Tara.

So - now there are only 7 remaining Taras to place. The one that I am working with now is Tara protecting from Lions........

Whilst I do my part-time job working in the local pharmacy in Blackheath, and look after/live in a beautiful house for a few months. Trying to save a little money!!

Sorry for the long silence; I'll try not to leave such a gap.....

White Tara

2007-02-15T06:17:00.000-08:00

White Tara is, strictly speaking, not one of the 21 Taras. Like Green Tara, she arose from the tears of Avalokiteshvara, Lord of Compassion, but she is rather different. More associated with spiritual life and spiritual practice, she is perhaps more "enigmatic" and harder to connect with than Green Tara whose activity is direct, dynamic and more engaged in worldly life. White Tara bestows long life. Sometimes known as "Tara who cheats death", there are many stories of how she has prolonged life expectancy, and it is said that those who fully realise White Tara never die. Whether this refers to maintaining life in the one physical body, or attaining a level of realisation that no longer identifies with the physical self and so is free from the suffering within the cycle of birth and death, I'm not entirely sure. Be nice to find out!

Although White Tara is distinct from Green Tara, within the pantheon of 21 Taras, we find Tara protecting from Untimely Death. She is white in colour, and holds a vase of longevity: she protects and maintains a spiritual life and will establish the right conditions - be they health, prosperity, a peaceful environment - for spiritual practice and activity.

Back in January, I heard that His Holiness Karmapa had issued a statement saying that in 2/3 years' time, there would be obstacles to his life - and to the life of His Holiness the Dalai Lama. To help avert these obstacles, we were asked to protect and save life wherever possible, and to avoid killing. This helps to establish causes and conditions for long life. In practical terms, we were asked to eat as vegetarian a diet as we could.

It was whilst doing a session of White Tara prayers soon afterwards that I had a strong wish to do a month's White Tara practice for Karmapa. Having asked Ringu Tulku's permission and received his blessing, I began on 1st February.... and so am just over half way through. Several days into the retreat, I realised Tara protecting from Untimely Death was relevant to this practice and that, by "merging" them, the blessing of both increased. A couple of days ago, the inspiration to place this 18th Tara came: I will take her to Holy Island, Arran, where a retreat house dedicated to Karmapa has already been built and which awaits the time for him to come and do retreat. Karmapa himself has expressed a particular wish to do this.

Meanwhile, tonight I start a 7-day period of silence and solitude: intensifying the practice and undoubtedly bringing to the surface some fears and demons for liberation! Amongst other things, I have met a rather wonderful man who - through simply being who he is and perhaps because of our connection - is bringing me right up against a "growing edge", and represents somehow an opportunity to go beyond old patterns of denial, of misery in relationships, of non-commitment. It's painful to meet the swirling vortex of these patterns and I'm grateful for this opportunity to release the negative energy locked in them and open to the light. Not sure how much progress I'll make, but White Tara willing.....

That's it for now.

Long life

2007-03-08T09:31:00.000-08:00

The retreat is complete and I am now on the road again, ready to place the last 4 Taras. White Tara merged with Tara protecting from Untimely Death and I am taking this Tara to Holy Island, Arran.

Holy Island is a very special place; once the home of a Celtic Christian hermit, St Molaise, it has a long history of spiritual practice and protection. It was bought by the Buddhists a few years ago, after the owner of the island had a vision from Mary instructing her to sell the island to the Buddhists. Lama Yeshe, meanwhile, Abbot of Samye Ling, Retreat Master and now Director of the Holy Island project, had a vision whilst in retreat in the States of an island that he would once be custodian for. When he visited Holy Island, he recognised it as the island he had seen in his vision.

Down at the south end of the island, the former lighthouse cottages have been converted to a women's retreat centre. The first group of women ever to do the traditional 3-year, 3-month long retreat recently completed their time and the centre is currently hosting individuals doing shorter retreats until the next big one in 2010. High up on the hillside above the women's retreat, a special cabin has been built for His Holiness Karmapa - who has expressed a particular wish to do retreat there. This is the destination for this particular Tara.

En route, I am spending a little time in Edinburgh, arriving (by chance if you believe such things) in time for Akong Rinpoche's weekend of teaching, talks, visits and empowerments to celebrate the 40th anniversary of the founding of Samye Ling. There will be a Green Tara and Medicine Buddha empowerment - which should re-charge the spiritual battery big style!!

All told, this feels like the final leg of the journey - and with just 4 more Taras to place, the end is in sight. May all beings benefit!

Retreat

2007-02-21T11:45:00.000-08:00

I've just come to the end of the third week of this month's White Tara retreat - this was definitely the most intense so far, partly because of what was coming up in my mind, but also because I chose to do it under much stricter conditions of near-complete silence and solitude. I used to think retreat was a blissful haven, an escape from the world, a time of peace and carefree joy. I think it probably is if you've made a lot of spiritual progress, but for the likes of ordinary samsaric beings like myself, it can be a rough old ride. A bit like a trip to the dental hygienist....

The reason being that, without the usual distractions of life and because of the purity of the practice (the lineage, the prayers, the deity's blessing), a great deal of CRAP gets exposed!! Happily this is the very point of retreat, and indeed of practice, but it can get very uncomfortable and downright painful. The secret is to keep going. Trusting that in doing so, all this dug-up material will gradually transform into the positive qualities of wisdom, understanding, compassion.

So last week I had to confront lots of difficult, sticky stuff around relationships - and particularly around having children. I have found myself in the early stages of what could definitely be described as a relationship, and the issue of children has already come up. When asked if I wanted them, interestingly I really didn't know. Couldn't find an answer. Except to feel that this was a massive block of fear.

So - into the silent week to meet that fear.

On the way, I looked into why it is I mistrust and fear relationships so much - and experience them as confusing and painful things as often as I experience them as rich, rewarding, happy things. "A Course in Miracles" gave me the answer ... put into words the emotional realisation I've gradually had over the years but not been able to articulate clearly. It seems that most of us seek "dream relationships", and as soon as we are in one, or meet someone we are very attracted to, a whole drama kicks off. This is basically an ego-drama: the ego gets very attached to the object of its "affection", dreaming dreams of happy futures, of security within its "special relationship". The problem is that, if the ego's dreams aren't fulfilled, it gets very angry and the love turns to hate in a matter of seconds, Mr or Miss Wonderful is suddenly blacker than the devil him/herself, accused and blamed, attacked and rejected. The ego does not love at all. It uses another person to prop itself up, and if that other person doesn't comply, there's all hell to play.

I see that dynamic in myself - perhaps to a lesser extreme than might be in the crazed jealous ex-lover who decides to kill the person they love so no one else can have them - but it is there nonetheless. And every time I see it in myself, I know I am harming the other person.

It's very, very uncomfortable to observe and own up to this. But it explains a lot of the insanity that comes over me, and many other people, as soon as the prospect or reality of a dream relationship appears. I can contain it better than I could, but it's still there -

However, all is not lost!! It seems that, although trying to make these dream relationships work is doomed to failure - if you're lucky. If you succeed, it's likely to end up being a really destructive, unhappy scenario - this does not mean that relationships should be abandoned and discarded. They can be transformed. They can be made "holy". This seems to come about naturally as a result of the spiritual journey we undertake for ourselves, where we seek to overcome the distorting, damaging impact of the ego and open ourselves to the real love inside. Which is not dependent on anyone else for its happiness or peace or security. It is what is there already - and it is something we can share with another. To really love is to be secure within oneself, unattached in terms of needing another, and therefore open to who they really are - and what they do, whether we like it or not. We don't lose ourselves in another in the vain hope that we will be complete through loving another... we are already found and so the other is always and eternally free. Just as are we.

So these fresh insights help me to come back to some senses as I embark on another new relationship. A little more aware and perhaps able to pre-empt some of the dangers and pitfalls rather than hurl myself headlong into them. we'll see.

Meanwhile, the issue of children.... another day. Interesting one!

None of this of course has very much to do with Karmapa himself, and protecting his long life! Except that whenever any of us do practice and overcome a few more of the obstacles that obscure realisation/enlightenment, he is fulfilling his purpose in being here. He is here for us. Having attained enlightenment there is no further need for him to be here for himself; he is here because of the promise to help beings to enlightenment, to alleviate suffering and its causes. Ultimately we are all responsible for our own enlightenment, but with the blessing and help of beings such as Karmapa, we are going to make much swifter and more certain progress. In doing this retreat for Karmapa, I have come to realise how much more he is doing for me - without perhaps even knowing that I exist.

Powerful Tara

2006-10-09T11:21:00.000-07:00

This Tara is now merged with Amma!

I went back to see Amma on the last day of her visit to London; I bumped into several friends and the day gradually turned into the evening and the plan to stay for a couple of hours was lost in the reality of being in the presence of a truly divine being. On the last day of her visit, she offers puja (worship) followed by Devi-Bhakti Darshan: this is where she dresses in a goddess costume and performs her usual hugging darshan in this dress within a golden canopy on a throne under a golden umbrella. There is a wealth and richness - an overt divinity - about this that sets it apart from the more ordinary, simple ceremony when she is dressed in white sari and sits lower down. I don't suppose there is any difference in the quality of the darshan - I truly believe she is inseparable from divinity the whole time and there can be no "less/more" comparisons within that.

By virtue of sitting outside to have a sandwich, I ended up being at the front of the queue for puja - which meant sitting right beneath Amma. Had my friend Sky from Samye Ling not appeared at the last minute, I might have bottled out of this proximity with crowds of people behind...but she gave me the courage to stay in situ. Amma first lit several lights of camphor oil, with which she purified the space around her and then, taking each vase of water before her in turn, she closed her eyes and blessed the water. I could feel a really strong buzzing in the third eye every time she did this - and don't doubt the sanctification of that water, which was then distributed to each of us.

She gave a teaching and then led us into meditation and into a traditional chanting of OM and of the 108 names of the Divine Mother. It really was, for me, the highlight of everything: this pure and powerful spiritual practice made sense of everything surrounding it.

We were at the front of the queue for darshan aswell; there was a different quality to this blessing but I can't really describe how. We were also offered the opportunity to receive a mantra directly from Amma: there is a commitment with this, and an acknowledgement of Amma as a guru and as someone you have implicit faith in. Having been assured that this would not contradict the Buddhist connection I have, but would support and complement it, I felt no hesitation in receiving a mantra. For me, Amma is the female embodiment of God's love; I have not met someone of this stature in any other tradition. Ultimately the male and female must merge and that union, that spiritual marriage within, will bring about a great shift in consciousness and realisation - that hasn't yet happened within me fully, so I feel incredibly fortunate to have met and to have a direct connection with outer embodiments of the male and female aspects of divinity. I know these gurus are all perfectly merged within and that the need to see and experience them in this way is due to my own dualism (which is the illusion to be shattered). But still I am glad and grateful. Sometimes we need the physical manifestation to awaken the inner reflection.

Amma

2006-10-09T11:16:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour

Amma - India's hugging saint - is something of a human miracle. For over 30 years she has travelled India and the world, offering comfort, upliftment and love to millions of people. She works tirelessly and absolutely selflessly to bring peace and hope, to help transform the suffering of beings everywhere. She is a true embodiment of Tara.

Today I was at Crystal Palace in London, where she is spending the next three days giving her unique darshan of a hug. I arrived at 10.30 am and at 2.45pm reached the end of the queue, where I was held against her shoulder in a warm hug while she whispered words in my ear. The words were Indian and I don't know their meaning, but I know their intention: as a living emanation of the Divine Mother, her sole purpose is to awaken and strengthen that same essence within ourselves.

Over the years, Amma has initiated hundreds of charities and charitable activities, from relief work to medical aid, from education centres to orphanages, from reseach institutes to temples. She has been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize and many other prizes in recognition of her amazing work on this earth. She makes it seem and sound so simple: all we have to do is to be willing to work selflessly for the benefit of others, and not only will this bring huge changes to the lives of others, it will also bring great happiness to us. Her example makes it look easy!

I offered Amma one of the Taras: Tara of Powerful Activity. She does not perhaps need her for herself, but she is such an outstanding example of this very Tara that my prayer is that the inseparability of Amma and Powerful Tara brings liberation to many more millions of people.

Thrangu Rinpoche

2006-10-07T04:00:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour

Thrangu Rinpoche is personal tutor to His Holiness the Karmapa, and is widely revered as a great master, scholar and teacher. I was in Oxford for his visit and, after reading about the life and teaching of Ramana Maharshi, I felt very fortunate to be able to go to his teachings. I didn't attend them all, but was there for the teachings on The Four Thoughts: these are the thoughts that turn the mind to the Dharma. Basically they remind us of why it is important to practice the Dharma. The Four Thoughts are a) precious human birth; b) death and impermanence; c)karma, cause and effect and d) the defects of samsara.

We are reminded of how fortunate we are to have this precious human birth. It is rare apparently - and particularly rare to be born into a body and mind which is relatively healthy and able to listen to and understand the teachings; even more fortunate is to have to the connection with the Dharma and to be able to receive these teachings directly. Once we realise how lucky we actually are to have this human life, we need to know how best to use it.

This is where the following three thoughts help us. When we meditate on death and impermance, it can be a bit depressing because we really face up the reality of what ordinary life is about. Everything changes. Everything that comes into form will eventually decay and/or die. Every type of worldly happiness is subject to change and rarely lasts very long.

When we look at all the many things that happen to us, to others, we wonder what is the cause of good or bad fortune. We wonder what makes things happen the way they do. The teaching on karma, cause and effect states quite simply that every thought, word and action has a consequence - either immediate or in the future. So if our minds are polluted with many negative thoughts and feelings, we are likely to be acting in negative ways as a result - and creating unhappiness for ourselves now or in the future. If our minds can be purified, if we can develop the positive qualities within the mind and diminish the negative ones, then we will be creating the causes for happiness.

Often, however, we attribute happiness to the wrong things. We believe that happiness is dependent on and caused by certain external things - money, physical appearance, relationships, status, fame, possessions, etc. So we spend a lot of time and effort chasing these, and then trying to hold onto them, failing to realise that not only will they not last, but they probably won't bring us that much happiness anyway. These are the defects of samsara.

Reflecting and meditating on these thoughts gives us the motivation to turn the mind towards something that will really bring us happiness - in the short term, in the long term and ultimately will bring us to a state of permanent, stable happiness unaffected by whatever is happening within or around us. That something is the Dharma. The Dharma literally means "Truth" and so it isn't exclusively Buddhist at all - but the path within Buddhism to realise the Truth is very sound and very effective, and can therefore be relied on.

These teachings were followed by what are called the "common preliminaries" but I wasn't there for these ones. I was however, quite by happy chance, back in London earlier than planned and able to attend Thrangu Rinpoche's final teaching before flying back to India at London Samye Dzong. Since I was feeling quite stressed yesterday morning, repeatedly finding myself on a really uncomfortable edge of fear as the wish to deepen this connection, training and work with the Dharma is up against the reality of money and livelihood, I couldn't believe my good fortune when a friend reminded me he was coming.

Last night's teachings were on the Five Buddha Families. Sometimes referred to as the Five Wisdoms. The Five Buddhas represent the purified qualities of the five disturbing emotions: attachment, anger, ignorance, pride and jealousy. The purification of these emotions brings about the corresponding Five Wisdoms. This is because the essence of the negative emotions is in fact wisdom. What is required is simply (!) to purify the negativity distorting the wisdom, and then the wisdom shines radiantly forth.

Taking each one in turn. Rinpoche began with ignorance, which is perhaps the absolute root of our suffering and imperfect human condition. It's because we don't understand the way things are that we create so many problems for ourselves, and experience so much suffering. Once ignorance is purified, all-pervading wisdom shines forth. This is the wisdom associated with Buddha Vairocana who is white in colour and whose symbol is the wheel. All-pervading wisdom is omniscience: the mind is clear of ignorance and can see and understand everything just as it is.

Then he spoke of anger and hatred - and the purified wisdom which is mirror-like. Mirror-like wisdom is clarity; the mind reflects clearly the way things are; there is a sharpness, vividness, brightness. Often when we experience anger or hatred, we are in touch with something quite wise, but the emotions are so disturbed and distorted that we only cause damage, pain and destruction with them. The potential to see things clearly and to cut through the bullshit without negativity is inherent within anger and hatred. It is the Buddha Akshobya who is blue in colour and whose symbol is a vajra who aids us in this transformation.

Pride - the feeling that we are better than someones else - is in essence the wisdom of equality or sameness. In gross and subtle ways, we have many prejudices towards others, believing they are less than us in some way. Once we see the truth, however, we see that we are all equal: that the differences that exist are superficial and don't pertain to the essence of who we really are. The yellow Buddha Ratnasambhava, whose symbol I can't recall, is the Buddha of the Wisdom of Equality.

Attachment and desire - which give rise to greed, grasping and the endless chasing of dreams, goals and objects. Here the Wisdom of Discrimination is the essence. We are able to discern clearly the differences between things and to know them for what they are. In that way, the striving associated with attachment and desire diminishes and is ultimately gone. We appreciate beauty, we recognise it, but there is no more grasping to possess or own it. The red Buddha Amitabha, whose symbol is the lotus, is associated with Discriminating Wisdom.

Finally, jealousy - and the Wisdom of All-Accomplishing Activity. Jealousy is a curiously crippling emotion, one that makes it very difficult to act at all - unless perhaps combined with anger when the combination can be very toxic and dangerous indeed. But generally jealousy seems to bring a kind of helplessness, lethargy and ineffectiveness to our actions. Purifying jealousy leads to great success in the accomplishment of activities. The green Buddha Amogasiddhi, whose symbol is the double vajra, is the Buddha associated with the Wisdom of All-Accomplishing Activity.

Of course the reality of purifying these emotions is pretty difficult! But it's encouraging to know that it's not only possible, but that inherent within each one is the seed of something very positive indeed. One simple method Rinpoche gave us to purify the emotions was to recite the compassion mantra: OM MANI PADME HUNG. This is good to do whenever we can, but in the arising of one of the disturbing emotions, it is particularly good to recite the mantra. This alone will help to pacify and transform the disturbance.

Gurus

2006-09-29T09:03:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour

Gurus - that peculiarly Eastern term for a spiritual teacher. Literally meaning "dispeller of darkness". I'm in Oxford this week, staying with a close friend and someone who has played a very big role in my spiritual life: she taught me to meditate (apparently I sat and cried throughout the first 3 sessions until I was given a mantra to recite!! I do remember being rather scared and overwhelmed by the experience, but this is an embarrassing confession nonetheless).

Also here this week, visiting from India, is one of the teachers from the Kagyu lineage of Buddhism: Thrangu Rinpoche is a senior teacher (guru), a real scholar and the main teacher for the four regents of the lineage, including His Holiness the Karmapa. I haven't seen him yet but am looking forward to being reminded of the benefits of proper meditation practice!

Meanwhile, I've been reading the biography of one of India's most celebrated gurus: Sri Ramana Maharshi. Which has had/is having quite an impact. He was born in South India in the late 19th century and at a very young age left home and took himself off to live an austere and intense life of silence, meditation and solitude within the halls of a local temple. He renounced the world completely, shaving his hair, giving away the last of his very little money and donning a loincloth in place of ordinary clothing. He ate very little and ignored all attempts to be lured into conversation - he just sat and sat; moving occasionally if need be but so absorbed in meditation that he seemed largely unaware of the world around him.

He was eventually drawn to the mountain of Arunachala - considered to be a holy place, the abode of Siva, Hindu God of Light. There he remained for the rest of his life, gradually shedding the last remnants of his identity as an ordinary person and becoming, if such a person can really be described, a fully-embodied Divine Being. "Extraordinarily ordinary" at first glance, and yet so powerful was the energy emanating from him that people came from all over the world just to be close to him. To receive his grace - which was regarded as none other than the Grace of God. His teaching was very, very simple: he did not profess to belong to any religion, but thought all religions led to the same "place" - the experience of Oneness, where any vestige of ego was left behind and the mind was absorbed into the heart of its very source. Advaita. Non-duality. Here there is total silence - but not the silence of no noise, the silence of no thought.

This is an experience I have once had; in the house I lived in in Woodstock. All of a sudden every noise stopped dead - I remember asking "why have all the birds had stopped singing?" Then a kind of blank, but not a vacant blank, a buzzing alive blank. Pure peace. Absolute nothingness. It was heaven! Then a roaring sound, the word "advaita" appeared in my consciousness together with the distinct sense of that pure nothingness "falling" and becoming fragmented into discrete entities of thought, object, form.

This was, I think, a brief experience of the state of mind the great spiritual masters abide in.

Ramana Maharshi taught through silence. He gave very little teaching. Except to ask students (devotees as they're usually referred to) to contemplate the question "Who am I?" There is nothing more important than to trace this "I" back to its source and there to lose it!! The "I-thought" is the thought preceding all other thoughts and is therefore the root of our human condition. To transcend that, with all its attendant confusion and suffering, is to experience the truth of who we really are, is to know Heaven on Earth.

He believed that, at a certain point in our development, it is necessary to be with a Guru in order to be able to reach realisation.

Reading this has stirred that realisation within me too. I have often felt it, and in fact Akong Rinpoche, Lama Yeshe and Ringu Tulku fulfill that role for me. But there are times when the longing becomes very intense - such as it is now - and perhaps that's because I'm not physically close to any of them right now, perhaps it's because I've reached a point of being ready to be close again. "When the student is ready, the teacher will come".

So how does this relate to Tara? Well, I've been wondering that and meditating on that question. The deity is also the Guru, but it can be hard to have a very strong, clear connection with the deity: they are not in form, but are only visible in the mind's eye - which is obviously subject to all sorts of interference and interpretation by the rational mind.

It's interesting to have reached a point of apparent separation between Guru and deity. That's ignorance. But it's there!

I wonder if this will be healed a little through seeing Thrangu Rinpoche. Or perhaps more so through the visit of Amma to London in October: she is another Indian saint, said to be the incarnation of the Divine Mother and therefore would be regarded as an incarnation of Tara.

I'm working with two little Taras at the moment: Tara Protecting from Thieves, and Tara of Increasing Power. I feel it would be appropriate to take Tara of Increasing Power to Amma personally and to give her to Amma. But that's just a thought for now!

Australia

2006-09-02T07:01:00.000-07:00

Tara on Tour

The first of the Taras to travel abroad leaves with my stepfather and mother for Australia next week.

Having reached an unbearable point of tension as a result of the conflict between what I'd set out to do and what I am currently capable of doing myself, there was a sudden breakthrough moment.... when I realised "I wasn't just me". That the seemingly separate "I" committed to this Peace Pilgrimage wasn't a separate entity at all. At the level of Tara herself, there are many beings who are part of this work and it doesn't matter who takes the Tara blessing around the world... the more the merrier, in fact. Especially as the connection each person has with Tara on a personal level is strengthened by their willingness to act in this way: and that means her blessing is spreading in more ways than I envisaged in the first place.

Allan is giving a lecture at a medical conference in Sydney. He will be talking about the research he has been doing for 30 years, looking at the tangible benefits of Vitamin B thiamine when given to patients with chronic alcohol problems: that long-term brain damage can be prevented is this vitamin is administered in time. I am hoping he will write a short piece himself for the blog when he comes back...

The Tara he is taking is the 6th one: Increasing Activities. This is a Tara of enrichment, who increases intelligence, eloquence, knowledge, success, wealth, etc.

My mother is going too, and she will look after this Tara - and Allan! - while she is there. I have a strong wish to give my mother one of the Taras, one that she will have responsibility for and a strong connection with - but that is one is yet to manifest....